Friday....

This Friday, the 12th will be five yrs without mom. I sometimes haven't realized it until its that day or even later on in the day. But this year, I have been so focused on it. I do not know why, but I am very emotional about it. I know I should be, but it just seems even more so. I am missing her like crazy, needing her all the time, and just wanting my kids to know and be around her. I know these things are not possible now, but its still hard to deal with that. I want to sit beside her and talk, and make cookies and fudge with her. I loved when she made fudge. Olivia really wants to make some so I think that will be out project when school gets out. 

I want to share things with the kids that I learned from her and by her, by doing them with the kids. I just want to slow down and enjoy them, so they will not regret me or the time i should of spent with them. I want to be with them, but until the money i don't have pays for a maid to do the laundry and cooking, cleaning, etc. Its me, and we will work through these together. 

I encourage you, who may read this, to call your mom today. Give her a hug if you are close, or just tell her something that you appreciate about her. I would if I could, even though my main source of contact is my cell phone and she barely knew how to work hers when she was alive. 

Thank you for your ears and eyes. Enjoy today and thank God for it!